Kill The Cupcake!
by BOS-Kai
Summary: Night Raid is suffering badly with half of their assassins killed by the hands of the Empire and Jaegers. But that is about to be turned around when Najenda's hand is forced to unleash her last resort by setting loose a carnivorous and inhumane monster upon the Empire. One-shot. OP Painis Cupcake.


**Before I begin I would like to point out that this will be a one-shot story. There's a lack of Akame Ga Kill x Team Fortress 2 crossovers which I think there should be more of, especially the hidden potential of some mercenaries being assassins like Sniper and Spy. But you didn't come here to listen about me, did you? Let's stop the chatter and get to the one-shot.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Team Fortress 2, Akame Ga Kill or Painis Cupcake.**

* * *

 **\- Night Raid Hideout, Dining Room –**

Bulat, Chelsea, Susanoo, Sheele and Lubbock

Those five names belonged to members who used to be a part of a loving family, but now rest for eternity in the hearts and soul of Night Raid. They suffered heinous deaths from being eaten by a large dog, beheaded and placed on a spike for the world to see, and being impaled by spikes.

And so Night Raid, the group of assassins determined to crumble the corrupt Empire is now at half-strength with five members remaining. It was only a matter of time before anyone of them would be next to join the dead and be a trophy for the Empire to boastfully toss around. But they weren't going to give up. Not by a long shot. To keep themselves alive they needed to be more strategic, precise and unpredictable.

The remaining members gathered around their wooden dining table to discuss what their next move is.

"Enough of the waiting!" Mine yelled slamming her fists against the surface of the table. Her hatred was flowing within like an enraged river pushing anything that comes into its waters along with it. The hatred came from knowing her friends are dying and they're not taking exact (or greater) revenge. "Why don't we just go into the palace and shot that little shit in the head?!"

"Calm down, Mine," Leone spoke in a serious tone. She sat on a chair with her arms folded and with her hands gripped her arms tightly expressing her rage as well. The way their members were discarded… It was more than infuriating. "I understand you're pissed but you're turning into what Tatsumi threatened to become. Full of revenge and empty on perception."

 _'_ _That's right.'_ Tatsumi thought to himself. ' _I was so angry when Bulat died I actually lost my reasoning and focus. If I went on a mission for revenge I wouldn't be here today.'_

"We have to make the Empire pay!" Mine yelled sticking to her method of a direct approach. "I'll go alone if I have to!"

"We already lost five members. I don't want to lose a sixth," Akame commented making it clear she deeply cares about Mine.

"Then what are we going to do?! Just sit here and make plans while the Empire is using every single passing second to locate our base to put us on the chopping block?!" Her attitude was starting to strike a nerve in Leone. The beast girl felt like slapping Mine until she calmed the fuck down. "Or are you more willing to become Esdeath's torture pet?"

"Eno-!"

"Mine is right, Leone." Najenda calmly spoke with smoke pipe in hand. She brought it to her mouth again, sucked some tobacco and breathed out again spitting out a small cloud of smoke across the table. "The time for planning is over. We need to cut the head off the snake, as well as the Jaegers."

Tatsumi blinked dumbfounded, "So that means…?" Was it time to attack the Capital straight on and kill anyone on their sight? But as Akame said it was suicidal. So what could Najenda mean?

"At any moment the Empire could locate our base and launch a full-on assault, dragging us to the Capital for execution. We're weak as we are and if we fall, the Resistance will fall as well and the Empire will keep on enforcing corruption laws on its civilians."

The group fell silent remembering the burden they carry as an assassination group. If they fail then their dead members would have died in vain.

"To secure victory I must use the last resort, though I prayed that I would never have to use it." Najenda sounded like this resort was going to bring more chaos to the world than presently.

"Last resort?" The four members asked curiously.

"Follow me."

* * *

 **\- Minutes Later, Stairway –**

The five assassins were walking down a spiraling staircase with Najenda in the lead holding a lit torch to illuminate the way. The walls and other interior decorations looked like it was from a castle. The stairway was so tight the width of the staircase could fit one and a half people.

"Where are we going, boss?" Tatsumi asked the white haired woman in front of him.

"Let me ask you something. When our base was attacked by those altered freaks, do you know where the dead bodies went?" Najenda asked keeping her eyes to the front as she watched her step.

"Now that you mention it. When I woke up the next morning the hallways were clean. It was like we were never attacked at all"

"That's because while you were asleep I took the bodies down here for disposal."

"And what is exactly down here, boss?" Leone third in line asked. Her curiosity was getting more interested in what Najenda had in store. With her trait of the beast thanks to her Imperial Arms giving her a better sense of smell, she whiffed once and smelt something putrid. It was coming from the end of their stairway. "What's that smell?" She asked blocking her nose.

"You'll find out soon enough." Najenda assured keeping a straight face. She was still uncertain about releasing this ace-in-the-hole on the Empire. It both yielded good and bad effects.

At the end of the stairwell they reached the lowest floor of the hideout and now stood in front of an enforced wooden door. The wood was thick and hard, reinforced by layers of steel locks on both sides. There were bars on the top of the door like a jail cell that peered into the pure darkness of the locked room.

"What's in here, boss?" Tatsumi's curiosity got to the best of him as he walked up to the door and looked through the bars. Then suddenly…

 **BANG**!

The door was bashed with a heavy thud. "Whoa!" Tatsumi was spooked as he fell flat on his ass with his heart now pumping faster than Mine can dish out her insults. "Wh-What's in there?!" His teeth chittered quickly in-between his words.

"Hahaha!" Mine just pointed her finger at Tatsumi and had a good laugh. "Were you scared by the scary door?" Mine walked to the door with her back to it. She acted scared just to mock Tatsumi further, "Look at me, I'm Tatsumi and I was scared by a door. Hahaha!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mine." Akame cautioned feeling something demonic inside that room.

"Why?" Mine puffed her cheeks with her fists against her hips as she leant forward a bit. "Is our stoic assassin scared?"

"Boooooo."

"Ahh!" Mine quickly turned around in fight to see the being inside the room. It was a man with a soldier's helmet. He was staring at her with the straightest face possible before he slowly tilted his head up and gave a malicious stare with hungry eyes and licking his lips ever so desirous .For some reason slow shotgun-pumping noises accompanied his slow movement. "Y-You're keeping a freak in here?" Mine exclaimed walking back away from the door keeping her eyes on the man.

"That "freak" is our last resort." Najenda informed to the shock of the rest. How could this man be the last resort to restore the Empire? She walked to the door and came bravely face-to-face with the monster. "Time to take a walk… Painis Cupcake."

* * *

 **\- Capital City, Gates -**

This… This was the day Painis Cupcake was waiting for a very long time. Standing at the gates to the biggest banquet he will ever enjoy. Just ahead of him were people, no…meat walking around the city streets. He held his head upwards and scanned the area with his squinted eyes,

 _'_ _Remember. The only people you can eat is a young child, a fat man and a woman in a white uniform with blue hair inside the palace in the centre of the city. Leave everyone else out of it.'_ That's what Najenda said to Painis Cupcake before he left.

"Dammit. Fuck you, I will eat who I want." Painis Cupcake replied to the message Najenda gave to him, though when he said that he said that aloud for all to hear. Not like he gives a shit.

Painis Cupcake fell flat on the ground and slithered quickly on the ground making shotgun-pumping noises every bit of the way. This earned him stares of awkwardness from the civilians that he passed by.

Painis Cupcake stopped and stood up straight when he saw a long cue to the Imperial Recruitment building. Lined up were young men and women just seeking employment. Painis Cupcake slithered into the building and cut in front of the line to face the solder behind the table.

The recruitment officer turned his eyes to Painis Cupcake. "If you want to join the Imperial Army you have to get to the back of the line," he said boringly.

"I am Painis Cupcake… I will eat you." Painis Cupcake grinned creepily at his first meal of the day. He looked so tempting. Painis Cupcake reached over the desk and grabbed him by the throat, strangling him and bringing him over the table to where he was with ease. The men and women in line gasped watching this unfold. With his pure strength alone he managed to pop off the head and make the solder headless, spurting blood everywhere from his neck. Everyone in the building yelled and ran away for their lives, now spreading fear through the streets.

Painis Cupcake could enjoy his meal in peace.

Painis Cupcake held the head's neck above him as he licked all around the dangling collar bone in the middle drinking the blood spilling out. He began to lick the skin and proceeded to chew large bites out of the neck, then face until the entire head was devoured.

"Nom, nom, nom, nom," the bones might be tough but they were like ordinary food when Painis Cupcake's teeth crunched them down to little pieces. When the head was digested he moved onto the body. To save him time he just tore the limbs off and drank the blood.

"I want more," he licked his lips cleaning the blood off it. He dropped the legs on the floor before his departure. Upon his leave a bloody mess was left behind in the interior of the room. The table, paperwork, walls and floor were dripping in red liquid.

What's this now? When he stepped outside into the city streets he was surrounded by six Imperial guards aiming swords and spears at him. Those pesky civilians must have gone telling tales. Nonetheless they did him a favor of bringing more food to him.

The guards looked down Painis Cupcake's shirt and pants to find blood stained on his outfit. There was no doubt about the civilian's testimony. This man is a murderer. Painis Cupcake moved his eyes side to side looking at each individual. They were strong-willed…so far.

"For the crime of murder, you are hereby sent to sudden death." One of the men told.

"Hehehehe," Painis Cupcake just giggled in response seemingly taking this as a joke. "No, you are sent to sudden death maggot." He charged forward to the guardsmen directly in front of him. He quickly launched a strong right fist to his face and when the punch connected square on the face, the guard was decapitated, throwing the head back and splattering on the building just across from Painis Cupcake.

The other guardsmen surrounded him at the same time. They outnumbered him so there was no way they could lose. One sword was lunged at Painis Cupcake. He countered with a side-step, grabbed the guard's forearm and tore the limb clean off.

 **SNAP**

"Ahh!" The guard screamed looking at his new armless status.

Grabbing the sword that tried to lunge him he stabbed it right through the guard's open mouth out the other side of his neck.

 **STAB, STAB, STAB, STAB, STAB**

The other guards pierced their swords and spears once into Painis Cupcake's body from different angles. Painis Cupcake lowered his head slowly and eyed the floor. The guards could tell the felon was dead.

"Rest in hell, you fucker." One guard spoke.

Painis Cupcake shot his head up and looked dead in the guard's eyes showing no effect from the stabbings. "I am hell incarnate." With a powerful gale he sent the guards around him away and off their weapons, while at the same time turned bright metallic red with yellow glowing eyes.

In his new state he chased down that same guard and grabbed him by the neck. With his other hand he tore through his armor and chest to get to his heart. "AHHH!" The guard yelled extremely in pain. Once he had a hold of his ticker he pulled it out and ate it whole in front of his eyes. The victim started to shake less as his life was taken away from him.

The other guards saw this…this…monster tear into his chest and rip out his very heart! This…thing…was actually more cold-hearted than General Esdeath. The guards picked up their legs and ran off as fast as they could without looking back.

Painis Cupcake saw their retreat up the street. "Heh," he grinned using the body in his hand as an object and threw it far toward the guards. The dead guard was used as a bowling ball and knocked down one of the retreating guards. Now a dead body held him down and guaranteed his imminent death.

"Help me!" The grounded guard screamed reaching his hand out to his fleeing three comrades. He really hoped his comrades would come back for him. But like an unwanted memory they left him behind. "HELP!" He yelled once again. Still, it was fruitless.

After the silence he heard footsteps coming from behind, increasing in sound as it approached.

 **Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp…**

The doomed man began to shed tears and sniff a wet nose. His last moment alive had come and he didn't get the chance to see his wife and daughter one last time. "I'm sorry…my darling *sniff*. Julie, grow up strong…"

His ankles were grabbed and the next moment was his slow, painful death accompanied by the sound of bones breaking, blood splattering on the floor and his body parts being torn off one at a time and being digested.

* * *

 **\- Imperial Palace, Throne Room –**

The throne room was awfully quiet with the child Emperor sitting on the throne with the man that's always with him, Prime Minister Honest. That silence is about to be broken.

Rushing through the doors and breaking the quiet were the three soldiers who flew from the carnivore.

"What's the meaning of this?!" Honest exclaimed with a displeasing tone. The three rushed deeper into the throne room and kneeled down before the stairs to the Emperor. They were out of breath.

"Sorry…for this…interruption…Your Majesty… There is a…carnivore loose in the city… We need General Esdeath…"

"A carnivore you say? And what has he eaten to warrant him a "carnivore"? A piece of beef?" Honest mocked pointing towards the door. "Remove them this instant!" He ordered and without question six guards moved from their posts on both sides of the red carpet that led to the throne to escort the three guards out.

"Pfft, a carnivore."

"What if they're telling the truth, Prime Minister?" The Emperor asked as he turned his head to the obese man holding a small tray of meat he often picked from.

"I guarantee you, Your Majesty. There is no such thing as a human carnivore. Even such a thing existed, they would be dead already." Honest assured the child.

"ARGH!" A collection of loud yells in pain was heard coming from where the nine guards went too. Another thing was heard too, but much more frightening. It was crunching noises against the flesh. This continued to scare the man and child for at least 30 more seconds. After that, it was silence.

"P-Prime Minister?" The Emperor stared to shake horrendously with his pants now covered in a wet patch.

"It's nothing, Your Majesty. The guards must be playing a trick. I'll make sure to have them jailed for this." One of the guard's heads rolled into the room with all of the blood inside the neck sucked completely out. "That must be a fake head!" Honest said aloud to assure himself this was still a trick.

Sliding on the ground and into the throne room was the man of the hour, the monster that was on a man-eating spree. He slid up the stairs and stood up straight in his normal form again with the swords and spears out of his body. He kept staring down at the small child.

 _'_ _Small child,_ ' he cocked his head to the left ' _fat man.'_ He recognized the primary targets Najenda wanted him to take out. He cocked his head back to the Emperor leaning back in his throne chair, completely afraid. "I am Painis Cupcake," he pointed at the child. "I will eat you." His grin grew wider and bigger.

So the guards weren't lying after all.

"I will give you anything! Just don't hurt me!" The Emperor cowered holding his hands out as a barrier between his face and Painis Cupcake's. He learned a lesson the hard way when Painis Cupcake opened his big and starving mouth and bit off his hands, leaving them to spill blood on the palace floor. The Emperor screamed so to shut him up Painis Cupcake held him by the hips, lifted him up and lowered him into his mouth, head first and started to devour him.

"HELP ME, PRIME MINISTER!" The child's legs moved back and forth to struggle and hopefully get out of Painis Cupcake's mouth. Honest just shivered while watching the child he wanted to enforce his power through being eaten alive. He dropped the plate of food and ran away as quickly as he could. If he reached safety he could come back and rule the Empire himself.

"Nom, non, nom, nom." Painis Cupcake continued his feast on the boy. Shortly after he swallowed the child and licked his lips. He was still hungry though. That chunky man could fill his appetite.

"You can run and ride, fatass. But I will find your ass and eat you." Painis Cupcake went on the hunt for the Prime Minister and it wasn't too long before he caught up to Honest, swerving around the man and standing in front of him. "Booooo," Honest stepped back one unbalanced and sat flat on his ass. Behind Painis Cupcake was a secret exit to the outside, but it seems fate had plans for the corrupt minister.

"If it's women you want, I'll give you as many as you want," Honest tried to barter with the devil to no avail. He crawled back to get some space but that space was instantly filled with one step closer.

"Let me ask you a question, maggot. Did you get fat because a love for food, or so that when the day comes you can give me extra flavoring when I take my time savoring the taste of your flesh and meat?" Painis Cupcake asked with a malicious smile.

"…"

"I take it as both." Painis Cupcake then grabbed him by the collar and decided to take him back to his lair for dissection.

* * *

 **\- Night Raid Hideout -**

Back at the Night Raid hideout a man was continually screaming as he was being pulled down the hallways of the assassin's base by the collar of his coat. He was dragged on his ass from the Empire's palace to here. No matter how many times Honest tried to bribe or struggle out of this situation, it was no use at all.

Walking towards Painis Cupcake was Najenda who could obviously see the prey he caught at the palace. What a poor bastard. Shame he deserved this for all of the corruption, poverty and much more he has caused for the people.

"You're back already, Painis Cupcake?" She asked obviously. Painis Cupcake ignored her and kept walking with his treasure. He walked passed her and now Honest was in view of Night Raid's leader.

"Are you Najenda of Night Raid? Please, you have to help me! I will pay you to kill this monster!" He tried to bribe another to make him the carnivore stop.

"Oh? Like the people you failed to protect when they pleaded for help?" Najenda ridiculed now following Painis Cupcake and Honest. She kept her eyes staring down at the man being dragged across their floor. "This has been a long time coming, you son of a bitch. Now with you dead the Empire will change for the better and be the Empire it needs rather than be your piss bucket." Najenda gazed her eyes up and saw the entry way to Painis Cupcake's room up a head.

At that moment she stopped while the two others continued on. Painis Cupcake turned right through an empty space in the wall, "Nice knowing you," Najenda mocked waving her hand effortlessly as a last goodbye. The space in the wall closed shut and ended of all possibilities of hearing his screams of help and agony. Painis Cupcake headed down the stairs, bumping Honest's ass on each stair as he walked closer, and closer to his room.

He threw Honest inside the dark room and sent him rolling across the bloody floor. All around him were skeletons Painis Cupcake refused to eat for decorations. It was starting to look like one of the Empire's torture dungeons, but much worse.

"Welcome to my home and your grave, worm." Painis Cupcake slammed the door shut behind him and made sure to take his time ripping off the limbs, drinking the blood, eating the flesh and crushing the bones of the man that caused countless deaths and ruined millions of lives.

* * *

\- **The End –**

 **I hope you enjoyed my first one-shot. I know it was rushed in some parts and didn't involve Painis Cupcake vs Esdeath anywhere. I didn't want to have her die by being eaten. I think it doesn't work right with a character like her.**


End file.
